Remnants of Lives Past

I believe in reincarnation. Except, not in the traditional sense, not reincarnation that is multiple bodies across multiple lifespans, but one that is multiple lives across one lifespan. Maybe that doesn't make sense to you, but there are certain things that are solely attached to my life at one period of time, and while these things still exist, those lives do not. And these things, although tangible, are no longer part of the present.

In the back right hand corner of the top drawer of an old wooden desk sits a small maple box. Its insides are lined with a royal blue velvet, but its contents were much less than noble. And while the velvet has not been touched by anything but my fingers in years, its former content is unforgettable. 

It does not stand out among the other scars on my body, or even the other scars that cover my left leg. In fact, you wouldn't even know it was there if I hadn't just told you. The raised line is faded. It looks as if someone had rolled a dime one full rotation on my shin before it tails off. The exact length of a sad story that never finished. 

This is my same body, with the fingers that have touched the velvet and scar covered shin, yet I am reincarnated. These things are part of my history, remnants, of my lives past.

Portrait of a Falling Dancer

She even falls with grace. By far; her most admirable quality is that: she falls with grace.

And maybe she falls more frequently than most, but the fault is not hers.

Perhaps it is the fault of the stair for being imperfect. Uneven stone steps covered with dirt weren't made for feet like hers, feet that brush so lightly on the surface.

Perhaps it is the fault of the jealous wind. Furious breezes attempt to sway her and take grace away; but grace doesn't fall from her.

Or perhaps it is my fault, for willing it to happen,

Because I am imperfect.

And I am jealous.

And she...

She even falls with grace.

Shame on Me

I was feeling a bit emotional today(what else is new, right?). Anyway, I picked up my guitar and started playing this song I wrote back in 2005. It's been probably been almost 4 years since I've played it. It's called "shame on me." I'll avoid the obvious George W. Bush jokes that could follow.

If I told you twice, I told you once.

Sometimes people we mess up.

If you heard me right, you heard me wrong.

I could never be that strong.

So take yourself away from me.

I think you need some time to breathe.

I'm not everything you ask of me.

But I don't pretend to be.

Shame on me, the blames on me.

Pain on me, the blames on me.

You cursed me out and I lost my luck.

I let it ride like an idiot.

Now I'm haunted by your angelic face.

I've got my tongue but I've lost my taste.

I'll take myself away from you.

I think I need some time to breathe.

I couldn't be what you asked of me.

And I know I'll never be.

Shame on me, the blames on me.

Pain on me, the blames on me.

     

why wait? well...

I was surfing the web and came across this poll with comments. I especially enjoyed reading the comments because I wasn't expecting so many women to have that point of view and also the scientific evidence that was presented was quite interesting as well. Check it out. 

http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten/2009/01/poll-are-you-waiting-to-have-s.html?mbid=yshine_smit

You'll have to copy and paste the url, sorry.

P.S. I don't normally read articles in Glamour, I linked there from yahoo.  

Thoughts of the day (so far)

Even when I think I'm being proactive nothing ends up happening (frustrating)

When the cashier asks how old I am when I am trying to buy my lotto ticket that he should have to tell me how old he is too. Then I can play the numbers for both of our birthdays on the ticket.  

The State of Things

Well, I just got back from Nicaragua on Wednesday evening. It was a life altering experience in more ways than one (emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, socially, and to some extent physically). I must say though, I have returned from this trip with more questions than answers and I have had a lot to process in the last few days. Unfortunately, California didn't stop moving while I was gone and I have massive amounts of catching up to do with school and everything else. I got a little bit of therapy on the flight home by writing a song. By the way, the stranger next to me on the flight seemed to find the process quite interesting. She was looking over my shoulder the whole time.  I finished on Friday morning and immediately posted it to youtube. Unfortunately, I think the person/people that need to see it haven't seen it. And... maybe that's for the best. I probably said too much anyway. 

That's a brief update on the state of things, and I really don't have a lot of time to do creative writing right now even though it might be detrimental to my health to not do so. I'll let the stories marinate for a while and hopefully a few things will work themselves out while I'm busy busy. 

P.S. There have been numerous "so much better in my head moments the past few weeks." I really did title this page aptly.  

  

Hall of No Shame

Wow! First post of December, This was originally a song idea but I like it as a poem. hopefully you will too.

Look what I have built

With my voice and my hands

This throne was a chair

Before I gave it a purpose

Look what I have done

In this borrowed hour

These walls were unfulfilled

Until they had something to protect

Look! Look! Look!

This hall was empty

Empty before me

Now full without shame